Dear Uncle T; I am a 30-year-old lesbian woman living in Polokwane and I am currently working as a Clerk at our local Councillor’s office. It’s funny how I am able to tell you that I am lesbian, yet I cannot tell society or my family about who I really am and this is really starting to affect me big time. I am from a very traditional family that still believes in arranged marriages and after my sister got married two years back, everyone was on my case about doing the right thing.
For years now, I have been accused of being a loose woman because I am always surrounded by men and that drives my father crazy, little did he and the rest of them know that those people are just friends. Last year, my dad introduced me to his colleague’s son who is apparently a doctor and happens to be ‘’good’’ for me. We did some chatting and going out a lot just so I can get my dad off my back, but little did I know that my father and his colleague were actually planning a wedding for us.
On seeing how my family judged the LGBTI community, I never really felt comfortable in telling them who I really am and introducing them to my girlfriend and the rest of my squad. My father would make remarks about how gross and disgusting gay people are, and how lucky he is that all of us are straight. So basically, I have been living a lie and carrying a heavy burden that only my friends and my girlfriend know about.
The reason why I am writing to you Uncle T is because I can see how my father’s plans to get me married are slowly killing my relationship with my girlfriend. For one, she thinks that I let my family control me and that I will one day wake up and decide to leave her for that man because I will never be ready to get out of the closet.
I respect my family too much that I do not want to shame or disappoint them, on the other hand, I don’t want to lose my girlfriend, so please advise me Uncle T, how do I dodge this one without losing either one of my beloved ones? Anonymous – Polokwane.
Hello Anonymous, just to make things clear, there is no way you can dodge this situation without losing either one of the parties. This situation requires you to choose between living a lie and losing someone you love and your true self, or telling the truth and start living your own life and not the one your parents expect you to live.
I think it’s better to have your parents hate you for who you are, than for them to love you for someone you are not. I always advice people to put themselves and their needs before others because one can never please or satisfy another person. I know that every parent wants to see their children happy, that is why I advise you to take your chances and come out of the closet for your peace and serenity.
They might get emotional for that moment, but if they truly love you, then they will accept you for who you are and not what they expect you to be. Take this opportunity to do yourself right, stop being ashamed of you are and start embracing it because that is the real you, not the fake you. This world has so many people living someone else’s life, break the cycle, be the remaining few that prefers originality over duplication!
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