The most common report on social media from women about men is a nude pic that went wrong! We’re sure one out of ten males reading this were once a victim of a ”screenshot and let’s laugh chommie” vibe after sharing a nude to their girlfriends to try and spice things up.
The act of sending nudes to someone is in itself risky, a practice that opens the doors to our most intimate and vulnerable side – some of the elements that make the game interesting.
Although it was a bit taboo back in the day, today it is something common, but it is still exciting. One survey revealed that about a third of those under 45 have sent nudes before, and I’d be surprised if that number hasn’t increased during social distancing.
Virtually all respondents are at least in agreement with sexting, but how do you go from flirty sexting to sending nudes? And how, if you have to, take the right photo? Let me – and some of my classmates – explain the rules to you.
The preliminary phase is the most important.
There are a few things you should know before submitting nudes. Whether in person or on screen, seeing your naked body is still seeing your naked body.
Therefore, you should never send nudes to a person in a surprise way, unless you have a long-term relationship where doing so is a frequent practice, okay?
Obviously, you should only send nudes to someone who has requested them, but you should also be laying the groundwork for that sexy selfie, just like you would when you were with your partner in real life.
Therefore, you have to start by exchanging “hot messages” before getting to the visual incentives. And it is normal to ask someone to show something of themselves before offering your own photos, however, if you really want to send before receiving, it can be arranged.
The key is to ask if they are willing to see something beyond. You can say directly: “I’m very horny, can I send you a picture?” Or you can be a little more subtle, like, “I wish I could show you how horny I am,” and let them take the next step and ask you to.
Just because someone sends you nudes doesn’t mean they expect you to send one back. You must notify someone before corresponding. And, of course, you should never do it without prior authorization.
Don’t hesitate to widen your angles
The butt has pretty universal appeal, so don’t be afraid to show it off. As Kelly says: “I like to see the buttocks and the thighs.” Use a mirror if you think you can’t get the right angle, or lie on your stomach and take the photo over your shoulder.
Don’t be afraid to submit photos of less traditional body parts. Nicole, 25, from Chicago, says, “I like chest hair, so I used to write to a guy who knew about it and send me photos of his torso, mostly with a little glimpse of his penis.”
Several people I spoke with highlighted the virtues of the classic shirt-up photo: “The best nude photo I’ve ever received was of a guy pulling up his shirt with his teeth, exposing his abs and pecs. It sounds very cliché, but he did it,” said Marina, 23, from Drammen, Norway.
You don’t have to be completely naked
We all understand the potential danger of sending nudes, unfortunately. Of course, in an ideal world it’s not a big deal for someone to show off their naked body, but clearly we don’t live in that world.
So to fit in, keep your face out of the photo along with any identifying tattoos (if you can and want to take that precaution). But you should also know that you don’t have to be completely naked to look sexy.
In fact, underwear photos are usually even more interesting than sending a direct photo of your parts. As Maxwell, 33, of Chicago, puts it: “If a guy is wearing some kind of sexy underwear and posing in it, I really, really like him.”
Don’t be afraid to rearrange the sheets on your bed to hide certain parts you don’t want to be seen. The art of sending nudes is to show a little of what you have, not to show everything you have.
find your light
This is not an A24 film production, and I get it, but you should know that lighting is the reason some of us girls look “so good” in selfies. Steph, 26, from Los Angeles, said: “My boyfriend puts filters on his nudes and he always sets up the shot to be, like, a nice looking photo and that really does it for me.”
The bright lights above are probably not your best friend. Look for natural light in the evening, or the dim light of your bedside lamp if you want something more somber. In either case, you should be facing the light source when you take the photo. The light should never be behind you.
And as for the camera position, Kelly, 35, from San Francisco, explains it perfectly: “Men tend to shoot nudes from the top down, from their own perspective, which, honestly, is probably the angle I’m looking for less attractive“.
Your phone should be at or below chest level, and the further away you can hold the phone from you, the better. It may sound difficult, but timers are there for a reason, and what else are you doing with your afternoons these days?
Don’t take yourself too seriously: it has the opposite effect
The tone of your photos doesn’t have to be rose petals on the bed or “I take my Tinder photos next to cars”.
(Don’t ever do that, either.) In fact, being playful and flirtatious rather than serious or dominant is probably a more appealing approach. You don’t even have to do “specifically sexy things.”
If you can’t capture the right mood with a photo, sometimes shooting a video can feel less staged and artificial than a photo. As Ginger, 21, of Niagara Falls says:
“A guy once sent me a video of himself shirtless and wearing an apron pouring rum into a chicken dish he was making, and it nearly killed me”; and Jodie, 27, from Sydney, agrees: “Sassy videos are always my favourite. When they make their member move, ugh, I die.”
You don’t have to be Joe Manganiello to take a sexy photo. This shouldn’t feel like a chore or a huge effort. You should enjoy the process on the go. Sending nudes to someone should also turn you on. If you get too serious or intense with your nudity, you run the risk of looking like a goofball from 50 Shades of Grey.
Whatever you do, promise me one thing: please, please, no sending nudes in socks.