Certain relationships are in the depth of abuse but because one believes that the other can change they tend to stick around for longer and end up getting hurt, endangered or even killed.
Abuse in a relationship doesn’t always include violence. Sometimes, your partner can be abusive towards you without ever getting physical. It’s important to be able to identify abuse as soon as it happens, so that you can get help and leave the relationship. Here’s what abuse often looks like.
Controlling behaviour
A partner who controls you by choosing who you go out with, when you should go out, what you should wear etc. may be abusive. In a healthy relationship, each partner is able to make decisions for themselves, especially if they don’t concern the other person. Speak to your partner about their controlling habits and if they still continue, it may be time to consider leaving the relationship.
Isolation
While it’s good to spend a time with your partner, a relationship where you’re isolated from friends and loved ones is not healthy. If your partner is constantly telling you to break off friendships and relationships with family members, or complaining when you spend time with anyone outside of the relationship, then it’s not a good sign. In a healthy relationship, both partners have the freedom to build friendships and maintain their relationship with loved ones without being made to feel guilty.
Threats
Verbal abuse happens mostly through insults and threats. When your partner threatens to hurt you if you don’t do what they want or if they call you names and put you down, then this is abuse. They might say that they’re doing this because they love you but love shouldn’t hurt and if someone loves you, they would treat you better. Another signal of this type of abuse is when a partner threatens to hurt you if you try to break up with them, don’t take this lightly when they say it.
Sexual coercion
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that your partner is entitled to sex with you. You don’t have to have sex with your partner when you don’t feel like it, even if you’ve given them consent before. You also have the right to change your mind during sex or foreplay – you get to decide what happens with your body. A partner who tries to threaten, manipulate or force you into having sex is sexually coercing you, and that’s not consent – it’s abuse. Your partner is also not allowed to coerce you into having unprotected sex or to use their choice of contraceptives.
Financial control
A lot of the time, a partner will use money to control what another partner in the relationship can and can’t do. This can be through withholding money or food when they’re upset, or using money to make you stay in a relationship when you’re no longer happy. Financial control usually leads to other forms of abuse and can make the victim feel as though they cannot leave an abusive relationship because they don’t have any money of their own.
If you’ve experienced any of these things in your relationship, then it may be a good idea to reach out for help from a family member or trusted friend. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship that empowers you, so don’t blame yourself for the abuse.
Remember, that you can always get immediate assistance and counselling from the Tears Foundation, by dialling *134*7355#.
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