Hello Uncle T, I am 32-year-old Nigerian guy who used to live in Diepkloof phase 3 Soweto and I need advice. I own a few food and beverage shops around Johannesburg and the little that I get, I share it upon my kids in Nigeria and use the remaining to survive here in South Africa. It hasn’t been an easy road for me especially since most South Africans have their own stereotypes about us Nigerians.

In 2010, during the Fifa World Cup, my siblings came all the way from Nigeria to come enjoy the Fifa World Cup and finally get to see where I live (which was in Soweto). It was so nice, we drank, we ate, we sang, we danced and partied almost every day, until we met a group of girls from around the block who asked to join us because we apparently had ‘’style.’’

Since my siblings wanted to ‘’explore South African women,’’ we agreed to let these girls become our groupies and take us to public spaces where we could socialize and watch soccer with the rest of the community. I remember very well, it was on a Saturday (12 June 2010) when these girls collected us to go watch Nigeria vs Argentina at a local tavern. The deal was for them to escort us, while we supply with booze and food. We went to a nearby tavern and watched the match (Nigeria lost 1-0) and drank like there was no tomorrow.

I was so drunk that day, I remember vomiting all the way home while my siblings were busy trying to teach these girls our national anthem. When we got home, I headed straight to my room and threw myself on the bed (thump!) In less than a minute, one of the girls, who lives a few houses away from me – came knocking to ask if I was okay. I told her I was good, but she insisted in sleeping over and making sure that I was okay.

Because I thought she was joking, I agreed and she lay next to me as my siblings and the rest of the girls sang in the living room. As I was trying to catch some sleep because I felt dizzy, the girl started touching me in a way that made me feel otherwise, and to cut the story short, we had a very intimate moment.

6am in the morning, I heard some loud noises and a very aggressive knock on my door, I jumped up, checked if the girl was still there, but she wasn’t, a part of me felt relieved while the other one questioned her whereabouts. I quickly put on some clothes and went to get the door. On my way to the door, I saw my siblings and the girls laying on the floor drunk and fast asleep, I jumped them and opened the door, to my surprise, the girl I slept with yesterday was standing on my doorstep and an angry mob was behind her calling for me to be castrated.

I tried to ask them what was going on, all I saw was bricks and weapons flying my direction and people shouting ‘’these Nigerians should be killed for drugging and raping our daughters!’’. Next thing you know it, my siblings and I were given a beating and my house was torched down for a crime I did not even commit. Luckily, the cops came to our rescue and I was taken into custody.  I pleaded not guilty and forensics proved that there were no signs that the girl was raped.

From that year, I never returned to Soweto and I have been squatting with a friend in Braamfontein till today. To prove that God is great, last week, the girl who accused me of rape came rushing in my shop after a few guys tried to rob her in Jozi. At first I didn’t notice that it was her until I got uncomfortable with her stares. When I finally looked at her, I realized it was the girl who almost ruined my life and she started crying and asking for forgiveness. I told my shop assistant to escort her out of the shop and I started weeping like a small child. When my assistant came back from escorting her, he gave me some number phones, told me the girl said was very sorry, and wanted to speak to me. I don’t think I’m ready for that Uncle T, that is why I am writing to you for advice, please help! Anonymous – Braamfontein.

Hello Anonymous, and thank you for sending in your letter, I know that it is hard for you to face your past especially since it isn’t a pleasant one. Forgiving someone who has hurt us before is never an easy task to do. However, it becomes a greater burden for us once we decide to live with the hatred and anger even after our perpetrators ask for forgiveness or amnesty.

I suggest that you call the lady and give her a chance to hear what she has to say. Unlike her and the rest of the mob who attacked, at least you have the decency to give her a chance to explain her side of the story and apologies if needs be. I know you are hurt and feel like you deserve more than an apology, but the best thing you receive from someone who did you wrong, is an apology because Karma will handle the rest.

I am quite sure that you ask yourself questions everyday about that day, and I am sure you need answers to those questions. So my advice to you is; pick up the phone, organize a meeting, hear what she has to say, and we’ll take it from there.

A lot of our fellow African brothers and sisters think that every South African is xenophobic due to the heinous acts committed by the minority upon them. However, there are still people like Uncle T out here who are against xenophobia and discrimination against our very own. Break the cycle anonymous, forgive this woman and free yourself from all the hatred and anger that will result in you being like those who attacked you.

Uncle T’s advice: ([email protected]/[email protected])

Picture credit: BellaNaija

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