Hello Uncle T, I am a 37-year-old Christian woman living in Alberton with my husband and ‘’our’’ child who is 10 years old. I work at Chris Hani Baragwanath hospital and my life is starting to fall apart because of the lie that I have been living since the birth of ‘’our’’ boy. I love my husband very much, and I do not want to lose him, but as a believer, I think that I need to tell him the truth.
When we got married in 2008, I realized that we were having problems in having children of our own, so as a woman, I was worried that maybe the problem was coming from my side and that’s when I decided to consult someone. Since I couldn’t afford a gynaecologist, I decided to consult our church prophet, who then revealed that the problem was with my husband, he was apparently blocked by our mother in law because she didn’t approve of our marriage.
I was glad that now I know the root of the problem, but I was also worried that if I tell my husband what the prophet said, he would get very angry with me, especially since he loves his mother dearly, and he has doubts about the church I go to, that’s when I lost control of the situation. Since he didn’t know that he was the problem, my husband would sometimes accuse me of using contraceptives because I work at the hospital, and he would sometimes bring home traditional herbs for me to drink because apparently, his mother wanted him to consider taking a second wife because I was ‘’infertile.’’
Since the pressure was getting too much for me, I decided to give them what they want with the hope that the evil mother in law would get off my back. I decided to go out a bit and start fishing for a man who would agree to have a one-night stand with me and then disappear afterwards. We did the deed, and paid him off, in no time, I was pregnant and everyone was happy, until now.
My husband is being too attached to the boy, and every time I see them together, guilt starts kicking in. Although I am happy that he is finally happy, my Christianity side does not allow me to live with this lie for the rest of my life. To cut things short, I was only trying to make my husband happy, and now I am sad, please help! Anonymous—Alberton.
Hello Anonymous and thank you for sending in your letter to our advice joint, rest assured that your identity would remain strictly confidential with us.
Before I rollout my advice, I would like you to pay attention to what people would consider as a ‘’minor’’ detail in a relationship or marriage, but most of the time, most relationships or marriages fail because of that detail. As I was reading your letter, I realized that you used the letter ‘’I’’ more than the word ‘’we.’’ Today, most relationships have failed because of non-mutual decisions between partners, when two people commit to each other, it is obligatory for them to use ‘’we’’ in everything they do and say so that the other partner may feel involved.
Another thing is communication. most of the problems in our relationships today are the results of lack of communication. You need to communicate with your partner more often, no matter how heavy or difficult the problem might be. Chances are, if you sat your husband down and told him what your prophet told you, he would have understood. But you decided on your own, and now you are suffering on your own. My dear, teach yourself to communicate with your partner, especially when things get tough on your end.
Lastly, I will need you to tell your husband everything, tell him how you felt, tell him how difficult it was for you to carry the burden of not being able to tell him the truth, and ask for forgiveness. It is better for someone to hate you for the truth, than for him or her to love you for a lie. I am optimistic that your husband will forgive you, and the both of you will survive this.
Uncle T’s advice. (Send in your concerns and receive free online advice at; firstname.lastname@example.org/ call: 082 703 9076)
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