AdvicePoint: ”I am having an affair with my pastor’s wife, I want to confess – help”

Hello advice team, I need to share something with you guys, please keep me anonymous. I am a 34-years-old single man who lives in Rustenberg. I have 2 kids out of wedlock that I take care of financially. I am a dedicated Christian who serves God on a daily basis but lately I have been questioning my faith a lot.

It all started in 2017 mid year when my pastor’s wife and I starting talking. She asked for my number because I was assigned to organize the chairs for our Easter event and that’s when we started talking. After the event, she texted me and started inititating conversations and sending me explicit images. I won’t lie, I also liked it a lot and we started having a relationship. 

We decided to keep our affair a secret, which means we’d book somewhere out of town every now and then so that we can have quality time together. We met quite a couple of times and did the deed more than I can ever remember. The problem is, she is catching feelings now and is starting to draw some attention at church because of her behavior. Whenever I am with another woman a church, she gets jealous and starts acting weird.

I can already see a few people at church looking at us funny and I know they suspect somethinng because of her behavior. Every Thursday, the pastor opens up the church for confessions and I used to go there back in the day but now I don’t. The pastor asked me why I don’t come anymore and I told him I’ve been embarking on the righteous path.

I am tempted to confess, but afraid it might kill him because he is an old man. Please give me some advice on what to do.


Hello Anonymous, the theme quote for this response today will be – Telling The Truth Even If It Hurts

The mere fact that you are still able to think about the pastor’s feelings in all of this means that there is still a lot of good in you. What we believe you are seeking is “Should I share my perspective of something if it will hurt another’s feelings? Your question is a very good and deserves a wonderful response. Hopefully you will find it helpful as we spent a lot of time on it! 

We believe communication and confession is a two-way street and asking someone’s thoughts on a personal matter should be qualified with realization of who is being asked and what may follow! The pastor is a religious man who believes in forgiveness above all else. We are human beings and we make mistakes everyday, but what seperates us from the rest is how we learn from those mistakes. 

Your first approach should be asking the pastor as if you are asking for friend. This will enable you the chance to see his reaction towards the situation and understand his manner of dealing with such cases. 

As people, it is normal for us to be taught to always tell the truth. That being said, in the end, there comes a moment when we tell a lie for the first time: to avoid punishment, to get something we want, to adapt to a situation…

Yes you made a mistake, and are willing to take responsibilityfor it -but how the pastor handles the situation is entirely up to him. Confession can be done in many ways. You can either go to the Thursday confession days and ask for forgiveness while he the pastor is in his spiritual sense, or you can write a letter and state your case if you are afraid of his reaction. 

Lies make us prisoners and condemn us to lead empty, false lives lacking authenticity. You made a great choice to finally step out of the lie cloud. Wishing you all the best, goodluck!

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