Dear Uncle T, I have a loving man but Im addicted to sugar daddies, help!

‘’Hello Uncle T, I am 28-year-old black woman living in Lenasia, Johannesburg. I work as an early-childhood development teacher and I wish I could say I have children, but God does not want to bless me anymore in that department, probably because of the abortion I had 2-years ago after I was so oblivious to a sugar daddy’s tricks.

Speaking of sugar daddies, they have been a major distraction in my life that has destroyed not only many marriages, but my normal life as well. I grew up in a family that believed in either finding a rich man to marry you, or simply stay at home and not get married at all. All of my sisters got married to rich men and frankly, they highly contribute to statistics when it comes to ‘SA’s most depressed women.’

Anyways, my problem started when I tried to prove a point to my family that I can also get a rich man, and in that process, I fell in love with that habit till I couldn’t help but get addicted to them even after I got a man who loves me like there’s no tomorrow.

2-years back, I met a business tycoon who owns 3 mansions, taxis, shops all over the country and a lot of cars. He took me to 5-star hotels, Table Mountain, sky-diving, top-notch restaurants, and bought me expensive gifts and all of that for one thing – sexual intercourse!

This one time, we were so drunk in a Sandton hotel that we indulged in intimacy without using protection. A week later, I was vomiting and having these morning sicknesses and to my surprise, I was pregnant. I approached the guy and he made it clear to me that he’s not ready to have a baby with a ‘’Sl*t’’ and that he has a wife that he loves dearly!

I have to admit, I felt cheap, used and betrayed, I felt like murdering him, I felt like I could just kill myself, but that wouldn’t have solved my problem – so I went for an abortion. From then, I changed my values, instead of me learning from my mistakes, I carried on from where I left with these sugar daddies, they came in bulk, it was like I had something to attract them, as time went on, I couldn’t live without them, I got addicted to them.

Earlier this year, I met Rashid  (the guy who loves me like there’s no tomorrow) and we started dating till I moved into his family house not so long ago. Rashid does not earn much, but he loves me too much, he does not buy me expensive gifts, but he treats me like a queen, but I’m just so stuck in my past to an extent that I still blush when a sugar daddy approaches me.

Uncle T, I don’t want to lose Rashid, and neither can I stop my habits of dating sugar daddies. Rashid does not know about this addiction because I’m afraid he’s going to leave me, especially if I tell him about my abortion story. Please advise me on what to do, because sooner or later, Rashid is going to start preaching family-building, how will I give him that when my incubation chamber is no longer working and while I’m still addicted to sugar daddies? Please help!’’ —- ANONYMOUS, LENASIA

Hello Anonymous and thank you for sending in your concerns to Uncle T. We all have different burdens to carry, but the best amongst us is the one who shares their burdens with Uncle T.

Skeletons (past mistakes) are not meant to be kept in the closet my dear, Skeletons are meant to be buried and forgotten. In this case, you have hidden a skeleton in your closet and every night it wakes you up to come dance with it.

Uncle T has a problem with people who convince themselves that they can’t let go or they can’t control certain situations that have ’do it, or don’t do it’ options. In the past, you might have convinced yourself that you can’t control your addiction for sugar daddies, you might’ve made excuses to fall for their malicious lies, and you might have given them power over you, but what other lies do you need to use when you have Rashid by your side?

I would be lying to you if I say I feel sorry for you being addicted to sugar daddies especially after every sign God has given you to stay away from them. From your sibling’s mistakes, to you falling pregnant, making an abortion – and not being able to conceive any children because of your past choices. So tell me, which other signs do you need to receive?

Before you met Rashid, dating sugar daddies might’ve been a lifestyle to you, but now it can’t be called that because you are sharing your life with someone. Now it’s only fair to call it a habit, a very bad habit, if you truly want to keep the good in your life right now, Uncle T suggests that you drop those old habits and start appreciating your man.

10 years down the line, you won’t need expensive bags and jewellery to be happy, or to go out every night to expensive hotels… ten years down the line you will need to come back home to find a family that loves you unconditionally.

My advice to you is; pick up the phone and give yourself a wakeup call, start building a better future for yourself with someone you can call ‘my own,’ tell yourself that you are a matured woman who wants to live a peaceful life, a woman who will build that life with her man, not a woman who will destroy another woman’s life by committing adultery with their husbands.

When you are done cleansing your heart with those words, go and tell Rashid about your past mistakes, apologize to him and ask him to help you in your new, clean journey. And since you stay in Lenasia, I suggest you start attending counselling classes to help you move on from your past – traumatic – experiences. You can try Mrs Sumaiya Mohamed’s offices located on: 54 Granaat Street, ext 5 Lenasia.

If Uncle T’s advice sounded a bit harsh for you, forgive me, but it’s called ‘’tough love’’ my dear.

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