Health Corner: How to have the Hottest Phone Sex of Your Life

It’s a real thing, Hot phone sex isn’t an oxymoron — it’s true!
Phone sex taps into what sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story, founder of the pleasure product marketplace Bloomi, calls the most under-utilised way to turn someone on: the ears. Now let’s get started.
Ask for consent. And not just once.
Do a temperature check
“When you’re in a relaxed environment, put the idea out there and see how they respond to it,”
Some ways to bring it up in person:
“I know I’m not going to see you for a few days after this. I was thinking it might be fun to try phone sex before we see each other again.”
“My friend was just telling me she and her partner have phone sex. It’s not something I’ve had before but might be interested in trying if you are. Do you have thoughts about phone sex?”
“Is phone sex something you might be interested in testing out together?”
That’ll save you from the awkwardness of laying it all out there when your partner is otherwise preoccupied — like if they’re at work or with their parents.

Ask outright about body preference words
Before you have any kind of sexy relations with someone, in person, video, text, or call, you should find out what nouns and adjectives they like for their bits and bobs.
“Find out what words make them feel sexy and feel good,”
Familiarize yourself with the lingo of lovemaking

“If you’re not used to talking about sex or your body in nonmedical ways, phone sex is going to be harder,”
Getting started

Mutually masturbate
Shed your skivvies and reach between your legs. Or, grab your fave buzzy buddy.
Then, with your phone in one hand and your junk or toy in the other, have at it!
“Phone sex doesn’t have to be elaborate,” says Story. “Listening to the sounds and moans of the other person moaning can be arousing without much other talking.”

Explain what you’re doing
From taking your shirt off to sliding a fingers around your body, Story says, “Walking someone step by step through what you’re doing and how you’re touching yourself can be hot.”
Her tip: Go slow. Rather than immediately plugging in your Magic Wand and making magic, start by telling your partner where you are, what you’re wearing, and how horny you’ve been all day.
Then, get detailed. Very detailed. Invoke as many senses as you can with your descriptions, she suggests. For instance, “The lube feels cool against my clit.”

Relive a previous romp
“The words ‘remember when’ are a great way to start sexy talking,” says Sage. “Then, you and your partner can work together to recap the experience.”
Again, go slow. Don’t say, for example, “Remember when we banged on the soccer field for like 3 hours, that was fun.”
It doesn’t give your partner much to respond to.
Instead, bring your partner into the storytelling experience.
“Do you remember that time on the soccer field? The night it was cold, and we were the only ones around and you gave me that look of yours before pulling me onto the grass?”
The difference is subtle but effective!
“Questions are a great tool for keeping the conversation going,” says Sage.

Explore a fantasy
“Phone sex can be a fun way to talk about things you and your partner want to do in real life,” says Sage. For instance, “If you two have talked about having a threesome before, talk through what that would look like.”

Ask questions
“It’s a good way to get a sense of how they think about sex,” she says.
What to ask:
“Will you tell me what you thought about the last time you masturbated?”
“What was the hottest sexual experience you’ve ever had?”
“What are you wearing?”

Keep up the moment
These tips can help you keep G-O-ing once you get started.
Don’t rush it
“Just as sex is usually best when slow, so is phone sex,” says Sage. “Think about your cadence and use suspension and anticipation to your advantage.”

Laugh!
Rather than being a sign that things are going south, “laughter is a sign you’re comfortable with each other and having a good time,” says Story.
“Sex isn’t supposed to be so serious. Embrace the joy.” Be you
Unless you and your partner are specifically role-playing a fantasy that requires you to alter the pitch of your voice or pretend to be a prince from a faraway land, there’s no need to do that.
You might also use this time to tell your partner how you would touch them if you were there.
“If you’re feeling dominant and you get the sense that your partner is feeling submissive, you can tell them how to touch themselves, or what toy to use,” she says.

Another option: Start moaning!
“Just masturbate and let your partner hear you,” says Story. “It’ll be fun for both of you.”
What if something isn’t working?
Say so. Some lines to help redirect the convo:
“Tonight I’d prefer if you’d XYZ.”
“Actually, would you be open to XYZ’ing instead?”
“I don’t want that right now. But maybe after you XYZ.”
If they said something that has completely taken you out of it, tell them. For example:
“Gah, I’m sorry to do this but that one line took me out of the moment. Can we switch modes?”
“I’m having a hard time staying in the moment, would you prefer to talk about something a little less sexy or hang up?”
“I have a history of trauma and what you just said brought that up for me, so I need to remove myself from the conversation. I hope you understand.”

The bottom line
Phone boning has as much pleasure potential as any other sex.
“It might feel awkward at first, but you might be surprised how sexy and courageous you feel behind a phone screen,” says Story. “Embrace it!”
If it isn’t working for you, remember that you can also put an end to it!

Cred: Gabrielle Kassel