If you are dating a religiously conservative partner who refuses to go an extra mile because the bishop or pastor will see it as sacrilegious or taboo, then this is the right post for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going an extra mile to sauce things up in the bedroom, it rekindles the spark in your relationships and marriages.
Take it from our editorial team, foreplay is the root of all orgasms! One of the most intimate and enjoyable experiences that a husband and wife can have together is enjoying foreplay, sexual intercourse and the climax called orgasm. That is, a husband and wife having sex together. Sexual activity as defined in the following discussion includes foreplay, sexual intercourse and orgasm.
Heck, even the bible allows you to do a little bit of playing here and there to make the deed worthwhile.
Some teach that sexual activity should only occur for the purpose of having babies. But this is contrary to the teaching of the Old and New Testaments.
In the Old Testament, the Song of Solomon describes the love relationship of a couple from courtship to the wedding night and then into married life. In the first three chapters, we are told that the groom is King Solomon and the bride is a Shulammite woman. At the end of chapter three, the wedding ceremony is briefly mentioned. Then the wedding night is described in the fourth chapter. A careful reading reveals that the entire chapter of sixteen verses describes how the couple “made love” on that wedding night. The description is extremely sensuous and symbolically very descriptive of foreplay and intercourse, culminating in orgasms for both spouses. The fourth chapter of Song of Solomon is completely devoted to “how to make love” and also describes their emotional responses.
The remaining chapters of the book describe two more sexual encounters culminating in orgasms. This reveals two very important principles. First, God approves of sexual intercourse between and a husband and wife, that is, between a married biological male and biological female. Second, He encourages husbands and wives to engage in sexual activity. Third, God designed sexual activity to be extremely enjoyable.
In the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 teaches that God has intended sexual activity to be regular and enjoyable.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NASB)
Going back to the point, how to spice things up in the bedroom with a religiously conservative partner E-SA guide 101:
Step 1: Go someplace different for dinner.
God’s Plan For Sex
God created human sexuality to be a physical expression of total intimacy. It is a passionate surrender that leaves us both vulnerable and completely connected.
But of course, that’s not always how it’s used.
Sexual expressions, whether positive or negative always create soul ties, and when you have multiple ungodly soul ties to someone you’re not married to you will struggle to enjoy your relationships. Learn more about soul ties and how to break them here
Sex is so deeply personal that anytime it is perverted the pain and damage caused is especially painful. And in order to enjoy a healthy sex life within the context of marriage, we need to allow God to heal that damage.
As J and Scott from Hot, Holy and Humourous explain, one of the most destructive things we as Christian women can believe is the lie that sex is all about him.
One of the biggest and most damaging lies a wife can believe is that sexual intimacy is primarily for her husband. It’s amazing to me how many women believe this lie, which ultimately steals the joy and beauty from God’s marvelous design of the sexual union between husband and wife. It robs her of the deep connection with her husband that she actually desires.
SCOTT & J AT HOT, HOLY & HUMOROUS
Ladies, let me remind you that God made the clitoris with 8000 nerve endings. That’s twice as many as a man’s penis, and they’re there for a reason. Your pleasure is important to God. Neither you nor your husband can have a truly fulfilling sex life unless you’re both committed to pleasure. And that means foreplay.
Neither you nor your husband can have a truly fulfilling sex life unless you’re both committed to pleasure. And that means foreplay. #relationshipgoalsCLICK TO TWEET
Foreplay Tips For Him
Foreplay for him is different than foreplay for her.
And knowing the differences can make things so much easier.
Both men and women love foreplay. But, in our hyper-sexualized world, we sometimes forget about all the little ways in which we’re able to tease our husbands and build up that sense of anticipation.
It’s important to know and remember that men are generally first turned on by visual cues. Whereas women are turned on by the way we feel. He is turned on by something he sees, you’re turned on by the way a situation is making you feel.
The truth is if you want to enjoy great sex you need to engage in foreplay because foreplay is where all the intimacy and relationship building happens. But please don’t be confused by 90% of the stuff you’ll find on the internet. You do not have to do a striptease on the bed in stilettos. That stuff only happens in the movies.
But there are ways to make what you already do…sexy.
A lot of this is about preparation. Wear underwear that makes you feel sexy. That is designed to notice. And don’t be afraid to casually but intentionally get his attention by stretching in front of him.
Remember it’s about the little things. It’s about being curious and making sure he feels seen. It can be the way you play footsies under the table or putting on a movie with no intention of watching it.
Remember, foreplay is all about that little strut you do when you know he’s watching. Not the one cosmo is trying to teach, but yours. Foreplay is more about being your self than it is about trying to create some fantasy with costumes and handcuffs.
Now, if costumes and handcuffs are your things, and you’re both into it, then, by all means, enjoy. But don’t fall into the trap of believing that it’s supposed to look like that. In reality, foreplay is a subtle art. It’s about taking the time to create intimacy by pausing to whisper in his ear that he looks sexy in that shirt, or that he smells amazing and backing it up with a kiss.
Sometimes it’s about flirting in public, (not inappropriate public displays of affection) but intentionally brushing up against him with a certain look in your eye that says, let’s go…
And if you have kids, sometimes it’s about letting them spend the night at grandma’s so that you two have the house to yourselves. If y0u’ve got that kind of opportunity, be sure to make the most of it. Do not just have sex and go to sleep.
Make Time For It
Make dinner, find something to laugh about, dance in the kitchen, and take your time. If you’ve got candles that you’ve never lit, it’s time to light them. It might seem cheesy but go for it.
Essentially, while oral sex and lingerie might appear to be the go-to forms of foreplay, please don’t limit yourself. Men aren’t as into that as the internet might lead you to believe. More than anything, men are attracted to confidence. If you take the time to take care of yourself, you’re also taking care of him.
That’s why I also recommend that women adopt a healthy self-care routine. When you know how to practice self-love, you will be well equipped to love him in a way that will make his toes curl.
Foreplay Tips For Her
If you’ve ever felt awkward asking for what you want, please know you’re not alone. Sometimes, depending on the culture you were raised in, it can be really hard to speak up and actually say what you want in bed. Maybe you’re not even sure.
You might have been led to believe that sex is all about him and his needs. But it’s not.
Sex is about intimacy, it’s about knowing one another. That means, in Christian covenant marriage, both husband and wife need to be committed to their own pleasure as well as the pleasure of their partner.
When you’re having fun, he’s having fun.
If you don’t know what you like, or what feels good, you’re not alone. But trust me, it’s worth finding out.
Or, maybe you use to know what great sex was all about, but, for whatever reason, it’s not like that anymore. Things like babies, milky breasts, deadlines, and debt have a way of messing with a woman’s ability to get into the mood and stay there.
There is a way to enjoy sex once more and it’s all about arousal.
Best Foreplay Tips
Keep the following tips in mind and create more intimate moments in your marriage.
Instead of visiting the same familiar locations with paintings of the holy trinity and eating the same old food, pick somewhere new or try a different type of cuisine. Add wine to the food, Jesus turned water into wine for a reason guys!
- Start as soon as the last orgasm ends.
- Keep it fun.
- Focus on play and arousal
- Practice showing up as yourself.
- Don’t fake it.
- Be creative and open
- Let go of fear
- Make time for it
- Appreciate it.
Warning: Porn Is Not Foreplay!
Watching porn is never foreplay!
When it comes to intimate activities that a married Christian couple can engage in, the sky is the limit. In most cases, I would say that if it’s consensual and pleasurable, go for it. But there is one thing I believe is always wrong for everyone, and that’s pornography.
There are a lot of ways to improve intimacy between a couple. Unfortunately, porn is not one of them. While some couples might justify the use of porn when consumed together, the problem is that the use of pornography, in and of its self, is a sin.
Whether you’re consuming it by yourself or with someone else, it goes against everything that God wants for us in terms of our sexuality and our relationships. It is inherently dehumanizing and destructive. Even though pornography has been normalized and even Christian women are using it, doesn’t mean it’s okay.
If you need help getting porn OUT of your marriage check out Covenant Eyes. They have lots of helpful information and you can install a program that prevents you from accessing porn and monitors your online behavior. This way, you can help hold each other accountable. Learn More About Covenant Eyes
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