Dear Uncle T, I am a 26-year-old woman living in Soweto and I work as a cashier in one of the retail outlets at the mall of Africa based in Midrand. I am currently dating a younger man who is so handsome, even my own mother sometimes gives him those exotic looks. Speaking of my mother, I do not trust that woman around any man because she has a history of stealing other people’s boyfriends, and now I think she’s gunning for mine.
Ever since I introduced my boyfriend to my mother, she has been acting very strange, like how a teenager behaves when they start developing feelings. At first, I thought she was just happy for me to have finally found someone young and ambitious but as time went on I started suspecting that there’s more to this than meets the eye.
First of all, my mother hardly visits my place, but ever since she met the guy, she’s been coming over every weekend to ‘’see us,’’ sometimes I come back home to find both of them chilling on the same couch and watching romantic movies. Sometimes when I speak to them, they don’t even respond because they have suddenly developed the same taste in movies. Some days I come back from work to find them cooking together in the kitchen, when I try to join in, my mother is like ‘’we already done, sit down and watch TV, I will call you when the food is ready,’’ then they both chuckle in my kitchen.
Late at night when it’s time for my boyfriend and I to do the deed, my mother suddenly starts having a night vigil in my house that apparently requires her to ‘’pray till 3am in the morning,’’ making it impossible for us to do our thing because she’s praying. In the morning, she makes my boyfriend breakfast in bed just minutes before I leave the house.
I know I may sound jealous and insecure Uncle T, but how do you explain her calling my boyfriend during the week to find out how he is? This woman is twisted, and sad part is that I cannot chase her away since she’s my mother. So now Uncle T, do you believe that she wants my boyfriend, and what can I do to stop her? Anonymous — Soweto
Warm greetings to you dear Anonymous and thank you for sending in your letter to Uncle T. Before I advise you any further, I would like to make it clear that I am in no position to be biased or taking sides in such situations, my duty requires me to be an arbitrator, and at the same, a free life coach for those seeking guidance.
I cannot argue your opinion that your mother has a crush on your partner, but at this moment and stage, everything is just a theory that needs ocular proof. I propose that we look at the main cause of all your problems my dear, and that is you allowing your mother to invade your personal space. I understand that parents will always want to be there for their children, but at the age that you are in, your mother should know that you have your own life to live that requires her to support you from a distance.
Reasons why I am telling you this is because if you focus more on what your mother does, you might end up having serious trust issues that will destroy your relationship. You need to tell your mother to start respecting your relationship, she needs to know that you guys are okay without her, that you will call her if you need her help and that she shouldn’t just come at your place unannounced because it makes things awkward for you and your boyfriend.
You can’t be seriously sitting there and counting you problems when you have the power to eliminate them. It’s your life, your house and your decisions, go to your mother and tell her to stop what she is doing, or else you might end up losing your sanity over something that can be easily solved.
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