Hello Uncle T, I am a 27-year-old university student living in Durban at a rented apartment with my Indian girlfriend of 3 years. We have been living together for a while now and although things are great between us, I sometimes feel like I can call the relationship off because her parents are too racist to accept me.
I know this may be an extreme accusation to pull, but the treatment and words from them do not sit well with me, especially since I’m a person of colour. I have only met them once in my life (last year), and during that visit, I felt so uncomfortable, I promised myself I would never set foot again in their house. His father would constantly make remarks like; ‘’eat up boy, you people are not used to such luxuries in life, so if I were you, I would eat as much as I could.’’
That’s not all, her mother would be like to my girlfriend, you know Yusuf was here with his father and asked me about you, he recently bought a Hummer and wants you guys to go for a vacation, you know his family is rich.’’ All these remarks made me realize that her parents don’t respect and accept me as their daughter’s boyfriend not only because I am black, but from a previously disadvantaged family.
I love my girlfriend Uncle T, but I feel like calling it quits with her because I fear one day she’ll wake up and decide to leave me for a rich Indian dude, please help me solve this! Anonymous – Durban.
I hear your point and sympathize with you on the mentioned matter. As I always advice my clients, sometimes we go through the most difficult phases in life in order for us to learn how to appreciate the blessings coming our way. I am not a prophet or shrink, but as an optimistic life coach, I believe that we can turn any negative situation into a positive goal that we can set for ourselves.
For example, you mentioned that you are still in university, eventually, you are going to be done with studying and then you can focus on building yourself your own empire or wealth. One thing I do not want you to do is focus on the rich ‘’dudes’’ out there, I want you to focus on yourself, focus on building you, and not wishing to be him. Yes ‘’Yusuf’’ might be wealthier than you now, but if you focus on that, how is that going to help you keep your girlfriend from jumping into that Hummer because you envy him?
I need you to shift your focus away from the racial remarks they throw unto you, the wealth card they threaten you with, and start looking at the goals you want to achieve. If your girlfriend really loves you as much as you say she does, then she will stick around and help you build a legacy that both of you will take credit for, if she doesn’t, then clearly she was just a tutorial phase preparing you for someone who will love you unconditionally.
Uncle T’s advice
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