A married man asked me to marry him, please help!

Hello Uncle T, I am a 34-year-old single mother of 2 kids who works and lives in Johannesburg. My life was much more simple before I met this man who swept me off my feet, then told me he is married when I had fallen deep for him. I have always supported polygamy rights, gosh I even started watching the Isithembu show every time it premiers on TV, but I guess liking something does not mean you want it to happen to you or be yours.

This man, whom I won’t disclose his name, recently told me he has is married, but wants me to join the family and become his second wife! I know I am an African and such is allowed in some cultures, but personally, I don’t like sharing things, neither do I like sharing men. However, the problem is that I love this man, and I don’t want to lose him, and at the same time, I don’t want to share him, what should I do? Please help – Anonymous (Johannesburg)

Hello there,

I believe that if someone really claims to love another, then they will do anything to keep him or her. The fact that you are comfortable with polygamy means you understand how things work and you see nothing wrong with it, which brings me to the question; are you not comfortable with his wife, or are you not comfortable with you sharing him?

Anyways, if him being with another woman makes you feel uncomfortable, then I think it is better for you to decline the offer at hand because it might be a disaster waiting to happen. I mean with you being a second wife, you are expected to give respect to the first wife, which I think will be difficult for you, since you ‘’can’t share.’’

Another option is for you to accept the offer, but know that if you do, you will be forcing yourself to adjust into something that you are not, pretending to like what’s going on in the name of love. I am not saying let go of the guy, but sometimes we have to let go of some things or people not because we want to, but because it is the right thing to do in order to protect ourselves from disappointments.

Uncle T’s advice

Picture credit: Classic 105

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