Every now and then couples suffer from low sex drive in relationships, and it tends to have a significant impact on women. Some women’s characteristics are tested, and they begin to wonder if the relationship will last or not. Couples even go as far as starving themselves from sex in hopes to revive that hunger and drive that they once had. First, individuals wait for long periods of time between sexual encounters. During that time, pressure or tension builds between the partners. Next, individuals put higher expectations on the sexual experience. When they do have sex, something goes wrong or it just doesn’t meet expectations. This leads to both partners feeling like failures and waiting even longer before trying sex again. It’s a vicious cycle.
For couples who would like to prevent sexless marriages, here are a few intimacy-building tips to keep the spark in your relationship long term:
FLIRT AND KEEP FLIRTING.
While dating, couples are great at flirting with one another. They share sexy text messages, speak with innuendo, smile and toss their hair, dress their best, and in general try to attract their partner. Many couples get married and assume flirting is not necessary anymore. Flirting is a key component to keeping that spark flowing.
CREATE AND KEEP COUPLE RITUALS.
A couple ritual is a habit you and your partner share with one another that is unique to your relationship. A ritual can be simple or great. Examples include brushing your teeth together, watching a game show and competing for who can answer the questions first, kissing before you leave for work and once you get home, an inside joke or special language only the two of you share, etc. Develop a variety of couple rituals and keep these rituals going over the years.
INTENTIONALLY AND REGULARLY PUT YOURSELF IN THE MOOD FOR SEX.
People tend to wait until they feel sexy before initiating sex. The issue with this is that during different times in your life, you will have more or less desire for sex. Rather than waiting, learn what turns you on and intentionally do things to put yourself in the mood. I encourage each person in a couple to put themselves in the mood and initiate sex with their partner once every week.
WORK AT IT.
Try new things. Talk about likes and dislikes. Practice being more romantic. Be affectionate regularly. Whatever you do, understand that intimacy in long-term relationships takes work from both parties. As long as you are both committed to do that work, you’ll do just fine.
MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP A PRIORITY.
Set aside time together alone at least three times weekly. This can include a date night, going for walks, cuddle time before bed, sharing a hobby, having a coffee together on your porch, sharing a meal, exercising together, or anything else that involves you two being alone together.
It is normal that we sometimes don’t think about it but having regular sex, even when you aren’t necessarily in the mood, is so important to keeping a marriage strong and healthy. We all go through times when this is not the most important thing to us, but maintaining a strong physical romance is so imperative for maintaining a strong emotional and spiritual connection. They all go hand in hand and I am a firm believer that you don’t marry friends for a reason. This is why you marry someone that you are attracted to on all levels.
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