Hello Uncle T, please hide my identity since I do not think I am independent enough to handle being disowned by my parents if they found out I publicly exposed them. I am a 27-year-old woman stuck in a man’s body (homosexual) living with both my parents in Johannesburg and currently working for my father’s advertising company. My problem began when I decided to come out of the closet last year after a serious battle with my inner conscience.
I remember the day I sat down both my parents and told them who I really am and how proud I feel to be that person, a month passed without a single word from my dad to me. My mum seemed like she understood who I am until she started sending her friend’s daughter to come sleep over every weekend because she and dad have suddenly developed love for fishing. This other weekend, the friend’s daughter and I decided to break the ice between us by having a bottle of whiskey and a few beers indoors. Next thing you know it, she and I were kissing, and yet again, my inner conscience knocked and I withdrew from her since I didn’t feel a thing during the kissing course.
The next day when I woke up, which was on a Monday, I woke up to find a brand new tailored suit and a hat in my wardrobe. I thought to myself that maybe the girl I kissed yesterday was trying to be nice by leaving me a gift after what happened, only to find a note underneath the gifts that read: ‘’welcome back son!’’
I went to the kitchen and found mom preparing my favourite pork ribs dipped in barbeque sauce, while dad was on a call with my cousins in Eastern Cape to tell them that I am finally ready to be a man and go circumcise on the mountain. I was so freaked Uncle T, I still am freaked because last December, I had to fake illness to avoid going there, now it’s December again, how am I going to escape this one?
I do not think I am comfortable to be naked in a bush with other men when deep down inside I know I am a woman! I need your help urgently Uncle T, please! Anonymous, Johannesburg.
Warm greetings to you anonymous and the rest of our loyal readers out there, Uncle T is always happy to advice those in need of guidance in times of darkness.
The word ‘’brave’’ sounds too much of a cliché to define you, rather I refer to you as iconic because not many people out there believe that there’s life after coming out of the closet. Truly speaking, I have never seen a more happier person, than the one who accepts what or who they are regardless of what people say.
Being gay as an African has never been easy because most of our parents are too much of traditionalists than parents. Our parents believe more in preserving our culture more than they believe in being there for their children. I’m not saying it’s wrong, but civilization has taught us, the new generation – to accept a lot of things that were considered as ‘’taboo’’ by our traditional laws, like the LGBTIQ community, and today, we are more united than before.
As a 27-year-old adult, you are old enough to make decisions that you feel are better for your life, not your parent’s life. Yes, Uncle T acknowledges that you need to respect your parents decisions, but respect for your parents is no longer respect if you have to compromise your own values in the process.
My advice for you is to go to your parents again, talk to them not only about who you are, but also about how happy and peaceful your life has been since you accepted yourself. I need you to recall all the words your inner conscience said when pushing you to come out of the closet, take those words, and use them to convince your parents that you are not different, but you are special.
I feel that you have been living too much of your parent’s life than your own, don’t you think it’s about time you start building and living your own life? Maybe, just maybe if your parents realize that you can survive without their help, they will start respecting your decisions and trust you to make the right choices. I think the world might use a motivational story like; ‘’I got disowned by my parents because they couldn’t accept that I was gay, I made it on my own, and today, I bought them a helicopter with a big sticker on it written ‘ I love gays.’ ’’
Uncle T’s advice. Email:[email protected] or send us a message on our Facebook page: E-SA.
Picture credits: Alabekee’s blog
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