Greetings Uncle T, I am a concerned 27-year-old mother of two identical twins who has been in a long-term relationship (7 years) with the father of my kids. Currently, I am doing my final year in B.com studies at Unisa which is quite difficult for me since I have to also work part-time jobs to sustain my baby daddy and our twins. He is currently not working.
Normally, Sello (my baby daddy) would clean, cook and take care of the kids while I’m out there trying to make a living for all of us but all of that has recently changed since he started ‘taking care’ of his ‘sick aunt’ . So this sick aunt lives alone and calls alot, sometimes calls in the middle of the night for him to come and ‘help her.’ At first I didn’t have a problem with it, because I believe in lending a hand so much that I sometimes let it cloud my judgement and instincts.
So the other day, I decided to surprise my partner by showing some concern and bought his ‘ poor and lonely aunt’ a few household items I thought she needed. I picked up his phone to check for her number and surprise, there is no aunt behind the name judging from the text message from ‘Aunty’ which read: ‘’ Lol, the only thing I miss about you is your scent and gorgeous smile xem!)’’ On further investigating the matter, I found out that his beloved ‘Aunt’ is actually a man and the two are in a very intimate relationship!
Uncle T, I haven’t confronted him about the situation because it gives me mixed emotions. I don’t know whether I should get angry or just accept this and move on for the sake of the kids and the unrequited love I have for him. Please give advice on what steps should I take because a certain part of me feels like going out there and teaching someone a lesson, but how do I do that when she’s a man? – – – ANONYMOUS (Tshwane)
Uncle T Responds
Hi beautiful, I am sorry to hear this, you must be very disturbed. Please allow me to take off my hat in saluting your profound attributes that propel you to hustle and grind in the name of love. Your courage is truly an inspiration.
Your partner has broken the most important rule in a relationship – HONESTY! As the main pillar of commitments, honesty should’ve been the first thing which comes in mind when your partner started having an affair with the third party, to make it worse, a man. Yes, he might have had his reasons to have intimate commitments outside and has issues with his sexuality. From what i hear, he is greedy and wants the best of both worlds. He has put your life, your studies, your kids’ fate, and your dreams at jeopardy because he failed to be open and honest with you in the first place.
Cheating, in general is not permissible in relationships whether it is committed with a partner of the same gender or not. Cheating puts your partner’s life in danger because whether we believe it or not, HIV/AIDS, STI/D’s are real. He might not care about his own life, but at this moment and stage, your life matters because you still have a qualification and the twins to live for.
As for you not confronting him, Uncle T feels that it is only wise for you to have an honest discussion maturely for the sake of the kids. Uncle T or anybody else does not have the right to tell you what to do in terms of staying or leaving, search for that from deep within, is it worth it?
You are smart, you are beautiful, you are a hard worker, you are an inspiration to the twins and many woman who believe in working hard as a tool for success, and honestly, you deserve better.
In life, sometimes you meet people who will be there forever, sometimes only for a short time. There may be pain and tears, but it doesnt mean there was no laughter and happiness. When the time to move on comes, you have to pick up all you have and move on with diginity.
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOU!
Picture credit: blackloveadvice.com
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