Hi Uncle T, I am a 36-year-old woman living with my three kids who do not know their fathers because useless Men took off after making me fall pregnant. Life is completely hard for me as a single parent because I always have to work extra in order to give my kids the same things as any other normal kid who has both parents.
My problem started in 2008 when I decided to open up to the guy whom I was dating back then. He always used to tell me that he’s not getting any younger and that I should stop using contraceptives and start considering building a family with him. I was a bit sceptical at first about quitting the pill, but after he nagged me almost for a month, I decided to stop using it and fell pregnant. The guy was around during my pregnancy, but a month before I gave birth, he suddenly disappeared on me.
Anyways, after a billion voice messages I left on his phone and a few attempts at his family home, I decided to let him be. In 2011, I met this other guy again who also fooled me, I fell pregnant again, and after three months of giving birth to our daughter, he left me for his first baby mama.
I thought I had everything figured out, until last year when I fell pregnant after a one-night stand with a younger, richer man than me. As I said, it was a one-night stand and I still don’t know his whereabouts till today. I hate whatever that’s happening in my life, but what hurts and agitates me more, is the fact that my kids sometimes ask me about their fathers and whereabouts.
I don’t know how to answer them or what to do Uncle T, but I don’t wan them growing up without their fathers. Please help me! Anonymous
Hello there,
I remember holding a community dialogue about the same situation you are facing. In everything we did for all the single that day, one thing kept everyone motivated and vibrant that day. THE THEME: ‘’HAPPY ATHLETES DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS WHO RAN AWAY FROM TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.’’
It is such a shame to be living in a generation whereby the most precious people (women) in this world are manipulated, abused, discarded, disrespected and are not taken seriously by men. Although women are strong and can take anything that comes their way, that doesn’t mean they should be disrespected, that doesn’t mean they should be manipulated, in fact, they need all the respect that this world can offer because every man has or had someone they called ‘’mom.’’
Getting down to my advice, I would suggest you start taking legal action against the two fathers who left you after taking advantage of your weakness and putting a bun in your oven. The South African law states that both parents have the responsibility to contribute to maintenance of the child. I understand that you might not want anything to do with them, but in this case, it is not about you but about your children. As for your last born, although every baby is a blessing, you were irresponsible when you decided to let a stranger into your pants, so this child is your responsibility and you need to make sure that something like this does not happen ever again.
I have to give you credit for the strong woman that you are, you fought and made sure that other people’s mistakes do not come in between the bond you share with your children, I respect you for that. However, I need you to start choosing your men wisely, make sure that the person you are dating is fully committed and serious about you. You don’t need to be a psychologist to realize that the man you are with is a keeper or a short-term winger.
Uncle T’s advice (Keep on sending your letters to [email protected] / [email protected])
Picture credit: Potentash
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